i wish I could...

change the meaning of this song forever, but I will always remember moments of you.

just text you to make me feel better.

stop hating myself when I see stuff about your girlfriend. it makes me happy for you because she seems like the nicest girl.

sleep next to you. anywhere. on a park bench, on the ground, in a hotel, in our bed, just to feel your warmth.

 

Scattered Thoughts from Today

 --I love reading used textbooks, because people always highlight and its sort of like them doing the work for you. I of course love to include my highlights. It's like strangers working together to seek out all the important bits and skip over all the boring stuff.

--I love my phone background picture so much I find myself day dreaming in it.  The picture is a forest with tall tall trees. I think they're oak but I literally have no basis on how i found that conclusion. they're just tall, with brown trunks(?) and GREEN leaves on it. the ground is covered as far as the eye can see with wildflowers. Its just a meadow of flowers with these tall beautiful trees in it. Then to add to the glory, sun light is peaking through the canopy of the trees. Ugh, its so wonderful. I want to lay in it all day, and listen to beautiful romantic symphonies while reading anything poetic or fanciful. In my day dream I'm also wearing a flower crown...How do you even make those? and wearing a very loose cotton dress that you can just lay in and be merry. The whole idea is very Walden. I day dream a lot of Walden-esque fantasies.

A little back story

I love the internet so much because I get to look at other people's lives from afar and they all look pretty happy.

I began watching Charlie McDonnell when I was 18 and felt all alone because my friends were going off to college and I wasn't. He caught my eye when his video was featured on the front page of YouTube, the video was about Harry Potter.
 His video was actually a cover of Hank Green's video

From that I fell in love. with The Green Brothers.
 This lead to  somehow discovering Wizard Rock, a genre of music about Harry Potter.
Then I found the Parselmouths and Kristina Horner. And then I watched  a lot of that and it just grew and its a boring story for you.
so I won't get into it. 
 But now its 2011 and I watch a lot of YouTube, read a lot of tumblrs, look at blogs, watch netflix and I feel so alone in it all. People lead such exciting lives and I don't. I meet no one and its cloudy outside. Feelings sorry for me yet!?

I know its pathetic but its just hard to deal with because I feel like I'm in college and I'm in it all alone all the time. I know its my fault I don't "put myself out there." But I don't know how to put myself out there. I'm so stressed out about school, studying reading, getting straight A's, going to grad school, getting a job you love and cant live without. PRESSURE!

After looking up the link for Hank's video auto play has been on and I've been watching old Brotherhood 2.0 videos. oh the simpler days...

If you don't know what brotherhood 2.0 is, you should just google it or something and watch a bunch (365) videos and understand the love I have for the Green Brothers.

I'll try to start cheering up, I don't know how to though. If anybody is reading this suggestions  would be helpful. :)


BEDA post 4

Scuttlebutt on bringing your BF to a dorm room

I just need a moment to whine. My ankles hurt. That is largely the only thing wrong with me at this moment. My exhaustion from today's activities is only amplifying my ankle pain. Mostly I just want to go to sleep and wake up at 6am to do homework.

Ankle pain, only because I was trying to trek through uneven ground carrying 30 pounds of crap. otherwise, very  comfortable.
fossil.com

 As strange  as that may sound, I find myself in a better mood in the morning than in the evening. I could go to sleep at 10/11pm every night without a care in the world but I'm in college, and living in a dorm room and my roommates find this old lady sleep schedule rather dull and don't really work with it. So I'm drinking a soy vanilla latte and typing out my feelings because that what you do in 2011, and I'm sure this has been popular for a lot longer than I've been taking advantage of the trend.

OK, so stop asking, I'm totally going to tell you why I'm exhausted! I woke up at 4:47am, then hit snooze, then woke up at 5:13am. --that's all. goodnight.

just joshin' I worked this morning on a floor set, dressed a bunch of mannequins and threw a bunch of old props away. I took home like 20 planting pots and a bunch of little knick-knacks that I'd love to truthfully tell you will get used in some creative manner, but until I learn to live normally without sleep I don't want to lie to you.

 I then went to my dear friend Justin's Senior Recital. He did so well and I'm so proud of him! Unfortunately, the food after was amazing!! LOLZ. But seriously, GOOD. My friend Krista (his cousin) made a bunch of chocolate covered strawberries and Monica (his sister) made a bunch of little cupcakes. I truly love his family and think that they are just phenomenally kind and loving people to keep company with. I don't see them enough or get to keep up with them as if they were my own but little days like this remind me that I'm a lucky girl and loved a little bit.

That is why I'm not allowed to moan anymore and suck it up. This latte is helping A LOT.

When I came back to school from the recital I found most my roommates home, except one and I'll name her Macy. (Its just easier if I make up a new name Macy, came home maybe 20 minutes after I got there and she brought her boyfriend from up north in with her.
i knew i smelled boy in the room.
So it really shouldn't be a big deal that he's staying with us except that he's loud and smells like a boy and that place is already pretty small with four girls who aren't besties and now let's add a 5th to the mix, make it a boy, and watch the a Real Housewives episode unfold.
 It's so much work when a girl brings her bf home. We all have to talk about when we'll be coming home so no funny business happens that we might walk in on. Then there is the division of rooms. Just like when my sister had her boyfriends over I wasn't allowed within 10 feet of them, I had to always be in our room, or the living room, or only allowed in the kitchen to get what I needed but never allowed to look up or make my presence known. It's the same thing with bringing a bf to a dorm room. We have to stay in our bedrooms and quickly walk into the shared living space, but don't interrupt or speak or make noise, because then your the annoying little sister who is bugging them, except I'm two years older than all of them. If you bf is going to come stay with you, secretly have sex when you know no one is home and will be home for a couple hours, or minutes, however long it takes you get your funny business taken care of. Then when everyone is home in the evening like normal people keep the PDA to a minimum and make everyone feel like they don't have to creep around your secret romantic time. And if you want a whole lot of romantic time, then rent a hotel room.

That's all the scuttlebutt I have for today. See you later kittens.



BEDA post #3
Lastest Buffy: Season 3 Episode 20: Prom (holding out to watch the final 2 together! When I've earned it!)
Currently readings: BossyPants  by Tina Fey
Found this GREAT recipe for one of the first cakes I learned how to make! Chocolate Mayonnaise Cake --in egg shells. FOR EASTER

guilty pleasure: 3 or 4 or 5 chocolate covered strawberries! SO good.

Loser Like Me

A lot of the time I feel like a loser. I mean why shouldn't I?

All I ever do is read and study and watch TV. I, on occasion eat and work but mostly I don't do anything...

I'm 21 years old and I still live with my Dad. I mean I love my home, and the city I grew up in and I'm not afraid to travel the world. But sometimes I feel like a loser, like someone who refuses to move forward but I just don't see that. Maybe I'm waiting for opportunity to strike me? But I don't feel like I ever turn down opportunity. I moved on-campus and I live there with 3 other girls who I didn't even know.(That's CHANGE, Trust me!) I live there 3 days of the week then I come home and spend the other 4 working/studying...you know all of the previously mentioned stuff.

But sometimes (and this was the major theme of last week was) I get bombarded with, "Why don't you move permanently to LA next year?" all the time. Everywhere I look. Why do you still work at the same place you have been since 2005? Why don't you have a serious boyfriend? Why don't you go out to Frat parties, or clubs, or bars, or other things!? --I like my job, i don't want one, i think frats are gross, and well I get drunk after like 2 drinks so I'm never really much fun out on the town. So much peer pressure but not the high school kind, the life changer kind.


Is it so wrong to like to watch movies, and old tv series? To Like Harry Potter, and Doctor Who, and Science Fiction? I don't think it is but I feel alone in my principles. Almost all of my friends don't really share to enthusiasm I have with a lot of my interests. I feel like that's why I don't get invited to a lot of parties and stuff. They talk about their boyfriends, and about work, but mostly I feel like I can't relate, the same way they can't with my Harry Potter fanship. I know that there are millions of people who love everything I love. But I just have trouble meeting them...so I feel like a loser because I don't know how to be my stereotypical age.

I like my parents, i miss them all the time. I love coming home and knowing my dad is upstairs in his office, watching baseball. And assuming my mom is baking something at her house because its the weekend. Its just hard because I run into a lot of judgment from people. I don't believe they mean it as hurtful or bullying, but it creates so many pressure points that I feel attacked. When I want to move out I will. When I want quit my job I will, but for the first time in a long time I feel satisfied with life. Days go by so fast, I don't need to always be doing something unique.

I just need reminders sometimes when I'm in the grocery store shopping with my dad for the week that I'm actually blessed to have such a rich life. I don't need to be a lone, but I can if I want. I'm 21 years old, that doesn't require me to be somebody different than I was when I was 20. I feel like I'm starting to realize that I like who I am, and I still feel a lot of peer pressure but it's ok to feel it, because at least I recognize the contrast.


Daily food gawker photo:
 Doesn't that look divine??? nom nom

Buffy: season 3, episode 07
BEDA post #2
Guilty pleasure: english muffin (toasted/buttered) honey, cream cheese, strawberries

frozen vegetables for my entree and rainbows sprinkles for dessert

 Why is it when you have a to-do list you find so many reasons to not do anything on the list?
It's like when you have to sit and write and essay or read for class, you find a million little other tasks to complete first,
                   
                  My bathroom really is disgusting, I should scrub my shower till it shines...

                   I better organize my calendar for next week..

                   I must watch BUFFY! 

I have this terrible habit of  ignoring things that solely make my life easier. I'll totally write that business e-mail, or pay my credit card on time, will I go grocery shopping? no. I'll just mope and eat frozen vegetables for my entree and rainbows sprinkles for dessert.

But today was different!..sort of. I woke up at 10 when I wanted to wake up at 8. (fail), then it took me two hours to get ready, which it would have taken me 30 minutes except that I HAD to watch an episode of Modern Family, and that adorable episode of 30 Rock.*

But after I pulled myself away from the computer I went to the library and got a book that I'll probably not have time for in the first place but maybe in some parallel universe there is another me, someone who doesn't forget what she's doing 5 minutes after she's started.

I mailed stuff, and stuff does include my Netflix movie and a pair shoes I was supposed to send 3 weeks ago, and then sat in my Mom's office for 3 hours doing nothing, just chatting.

In a sense I feel accomplished, I accomplished a bunch of small tasks but ignored all my required reading.  That's probably why I ignore it, because its required. I wish I could trick myself to read the same way parents do by putting cheese on vegetables to get kids to eat them. I mean I'll totally read books, but books about things that I then have to regurgitate on a multiple choice test? No.I will NOT; I hate multiple choice anyways...

 It took me 2 hours to begin writing this post too! I redesigned my page layout for 2 hours then decided to write this...I'll try to be better. But don't require it.

My daily food gawker drool session:

* the one where everyone creates an elaborate scheme to get Liz laid so that she'll stop being a crazy cat lady....classic.



Buffy: Season 3 episode 3.
BEDA post: #1
Guilty pleasure: honey and cream cheese on Wheat Thins

Sundays are great...

Sundays are great because...


1} Today I visited the Getty museum and it is so close to school that I feel like I'll be spending a lot more time there.

This is the view from the East Terrace. You can see UCLA from there.  :)

2} i love watching movies on Sundays. I feel like movies are infinitley better on Sundays. Especially watching romantic movies. <3


After I got home from the Getty I packed my overnight bag and drove home. When I got home I flipped through the channels on the TV and Waitress was on.

Nathan Fillion makes my heart skip a beat!








 There is something so calming about Sundays. Its a whole new week and new possibilities.

I hope all of you have a splendid week!


January 23-29, 2011 Resolutions:
a. Study more
b. Start Firefly
c. Write in my organizer more!

My feelings on the current change in the AAA mission statement.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/10/science/10anthropology.html?_r=2

After reading the above New York times article and the AAA website these are my introductory feelings. I'm not pretending on being an expert but this is how I feel about this development.

As I hope to call myself an Anthropologist one day, this new statement greatly hinders and halts avenues to scholarship and research. The dropping of the word science only encourages the divide between biological and social anthropology. When as Anthropologists we should stand together in our research  and this change only bends its compassion to some people who don't even respect accepted Anthropological theory. The point is by changing the mission statement because some professionals are stubborn and narrow minded and because of the religious pressure to drop the debate on evolution it is a slap in the face to very definition of Anthropology. The AAA should not back down to these bullies because that's who they are. Science doesn't and shouldn't carry the fear or connotation that the AAA obviously feels it does. I am afraid of this. I am afraid of where this might lead and I am afraid that because of the current board members, Anthropology and what its mission statement is to ME will drastically change the meaning of something I am dearly and whole heartily passionate about. I encourage anybody compassionate to my feelings or similar feelings to speak out. Voice your concerns, show that in America, Anthropology is a respected science and field of knowledge. We are NOT a tree with one branch, but we have 4 beautiful strong branches that deserve attention.


http://www.aaanet.org/issues/press/AAA-Responds-to-Public-Controversy-Over-Science-in-Anthropology.cfm

This statement doesn't fix or change anything. If we feel like there is no change and that they find science highly crucial then why the need for change in the first place?

So it goes..

So it goes... life is totally out of your hands sometimes. Once in a while you have to just throw up the white flag and surrender to the spin of the earth and let the day take you.
Remedies to ease the frustration of dry swallowing of your pride could be to drink heavy amounts of alcohol (works but not recommended), watching YouTube videos till your eyes water from the strain of the computer screen (you have watchers remorse), or to just write it all out. Just make every word bleed a little more till your clean. If you want to be miss prissy, then go do your yoga* class and meditate.

This whole week has been one large salute to the white flag. Monday was the beginning of the Winter quarter and Monday night was a night I became very friendly with the toilet bowl. I don't know what caused it but all night till 5am I was sick. I also had a fever and some VERY strange fever dreams.**

Tuesday should be called Tylenol Tuesday because my body finally gave in and I was able to actually lay down and sleep a little. I skipped class only feeling 1/2 bad about missing the first meeting and watched a whole lot of Netflix. My body ached all over. I mean the physical exertion I put out on Monday had to equal a P90X workout. My lower back was killing me since all I did was sit up right all night and every nerve in my body felt so sensitive. I took a bunch of Tylenol though and that seemed to edge the pain as well as the Princess Bride. I wish my Grandpa would read to me...Wuv Truwe Wuv...

When I awoke on Wednesday I felt like a whole new woman. I watched Eat, Pray, Love felt inspired to sing and dance and travel and EAT. I said up far too late and bought many things on Amazon like this...

I needed a new one. Its the new year!

Things began to crumble just a little bit today. I'm seeing a movie at the Hammer museum tonight and I'm supposed to go to some little class thing tomorrow, but work called and rearranged my whole day basically. I'm annoyed but so it goes... I can't control them, and I choose for them to control me. If I didn't want them too then I wouldn't but at this point I just have to say whatever. Move on.

Now I'm sitting here peering out my living room window at school. Our window is sort of right in the middle of everything and so I feel like that nosy neighbor who watches everybody, but I also have a great view of the sky changing colors, moving on just like I need to.  My toes are cold so I think I'm going to put some socks on before the movie. 

Till next time sugars...

Today I heard: Elton Johns, "A little love." 3 stars

Today I tasted: My first Palmier of the quarter...oh love its so sweet.

Today I saw (seeing) : Play Time -Review to come later

Today I touched: the ground, Hard, while walking DOWN a flight of stairs.

Today I smelled: Freshly brewed coffee

*I shouldn't bash yoga, I really like it but I already use yoga as a form of surrender to the treadmill. That machine HATES me.

 **one included Gerard Butler and scuba diving...it made me sea sick, then I woke up and got sick.

I skipped yesterday. I was just too tired to turn on my computer and type up a blog post.

I'm taking a break in between cleaning my house. I'm having a birthday party tomorrow and I have so much to do! But I don't want to bore you (because it is very boring) about my cleaning adventures. I want to chat with you about being 21. I've only been 21 less than a week and I haven't been carded, twice. Do I look that old? Do I have a truthful face? Am I so seductive that I can get whatever I want? Is the Pope Catholic?

The worst part of it all is that on my birthday I wasn't carded. Hello, its the only time in my entire life that I will obligingly show my drivers license. Then my mom and I went to dinner at this Mexican restaurant and I order a margarita and what happens? No carding. I'm sure when I'm 22 I'll be carded every time.

Yesterday I went to my good friend Justin's concert. He doesn't play rock music, he's more of the classical/jazz sort of guy. The concert was great, and I saw my 8th grade History teacher there! What a shock! I don't know if she truly recognized me, but she said she did. So we chatted and it was lovely to see someone I loved so much when I was 13 years old.

Today I saw: James and The Giant Peach. I put it on my Netflix instant queue and watched it whilst cleaning.
Today I heard: Talk radio on AM 64o.
Today I touched: All the toilets in the house
Today I smelled: the intoxicating fumes of bleach and vinegar.
Today I tasted: a divine Iced Coffee.


k

BEDA #4 Mushy Brains.

I have this theory that my desk directly reflects my brain activity at any certain point in time. Right now my mind is a mess. I have so many thoughts and reminders in my head that it feels so full and squished. My desk is the same way. I have all these little things I put on it so that I will remember and not lose them. For example, I have a little button reminding me to sew it back on the jacket it fell from. I have measuring tape for measuring the space my dorm room will be.* I also have things I care about. I have a picture my family sent of themselves in my birthday card. I have all my birthday gifts on my desk. I don't want to put any of them away because I want to remember to write thank you notes. Then there is the paper issue. I accumulate so much paper on my desk that I need to hire someone to go paperless. Papers to shred, papers to file, papers to reply, to do lists, jokes, and junk all litter my little corner of my room. The only corner that is paid the least attention to but deserves the most. What i find strange is that its summer! I would have thought I would be more organized. All I have to do is organize and maintain my room, but no. Its messier than when I'm in school. Does this mean that my brain is more function able in school? I hope so. It would be scary if it was more mushy during the fall, winter, and spring rather then the summer.

There is so much to do. I have to plan for my party on Saturday. I haven't really made a solid start. Its Wednesday...gahh!! I'm most anxious nobody will have fun...maybe my messy brain will think of something.

Today I saw: an advanced screening of "Little Fockers" which is the third installment of the "Meet the Parents" series. I hope its the last one because I think we've had enough.
Today I heard: A new band called Anberlin. They have a cool sound. I impulsively** bought their CD "New Surrender."
Today I tasted: The sweetness of a free cinnamon swirl coffee cake from Starbucks.
Today I smelled: the sweet mildew of what the ET and Peter Pan ride smells like. Its one of my favorite smells, not matter how gross that is.
Today I touched: a rolly polly trying to take refuge in my stockroom. Little did he know that its much more dangerous in there than outside.

Happy surprise of the day: I found out Jakob Dylan is the lead singer of The Wallflowers. Totally random right? I had no idea and here I thought he was a new artist but he's been around for years!

I see you.

k

*I want to find the measurements for my closet at UCLA so that I can create a mock one here.

**I also impusivley purchase The Wallflowers CD, The Eurythmics, and 20 other 80's pop singles. :/ I just couldnt help myself!